(Unwanted) Liberation
Thus did a tumultuous era came to an end.
My boyfriend (there, I already used his proper title) left for US, Minnesota specifically, early this morning. I know, a lot of you must be thinking that I'm saying "Good riddance". Frankly, yesterday, that's what I was musing upon. Yep, his last day on the beautiful Republic of the Philippines was spent with his girlfriend planning to make him forget her for the rest of his life.
I can't help it. I hated him (note the past tense please). I was expecting him to spend every minute with me but instead he dived headfirst into the requirements, going to and fro with Ellis answering to the teachers' every friggin' beck and call (notice how our teachers' human, irrational side come to surface when completion of requirements draw near). I mean, shouldn't it be the class president and vice-president attending to that? The guy was being a goddamn class servant! And I mean that in the negative sense. Apart from a meager two or three people, nobody really cared for his last shot as a class martyrdom. Damn. I was greatly pissed off, I wanted to smack him in the head, but I only figured it'll make me more look like the atrocious girlfriend I am. I alternately ignored him, snapped at him... I could've said "Get lost"... well, in a couple of hours those words would be granted anyway.
It's always too late for regrets and apologies, and I made neither. I gave him no gift, not even a letter. Ha, let's see if he could remember me that way. When the moment came for him to leave did I only realize that it was the last time I'd see him for a long time. No more Matt... for a while. (leaving out "for a while" would sound like I'm already preparing his coffin). It was probably the first time I'd genuinely feel mixed emotions. When I was mad at him, I felt happy that he'll give me space at last. Dammit, he couldn't even give me a cool-off if I asked for it!... Angry, because... look up, I already mentioned it... Underneath it all I was sad and miserable because I'll be left alone once more (if you think I'll be craving for other people's company, dream on. This girl's designed for one person alone. Phonies, approach at your own risk). It will be hard to get back to my usual lone wolf habit... I have a loooong way to go, man.
Now that my fiance's --wipe that leer off your face-- gone for the meantime, it's time for me to get back to my other love. My craft. Writing. Blogging. Literature. Craziness. While our relationship was getting better, I was happy. While I was happy, my thinking was greatly hampered. I didn't mind. His presence justified it somehow. But now... well, what else am I supposed to do? Ask myself out on a date? Whatever.
The Chimaera's back in business!
My boyfriend (there, I already used his proper title) left for US, Minnesota specifically, early this morning. I know, a lot of you must be thinking that I'm saying "Good riddance". Frankly, yesterday, that's what I was musing upon. Yep, his last day on the beautiful Republic of the Philippines was spent with his girlfriend planning to make him forget her for the rest of his life.
I can't help it. I hated him (note the past tense please). I was expecting him to spend every minute with me but instead he dived headfirst into the requirements, going to and fro with Ellis answering to the teachers' every friggin' beck and call (notice how our teachers' human, irrational side come to surface when completion of requirements draw near). I mean, shouldn't it be the class president and vice-president attending to that? The guy was being a goddamn class servant! And I mean that in the negative sense. Apart from a meager two or three people, nobody really cared for his last shot as a class martyrdom. Damn. I was greatly pissed off, I wanted to smack him in the head, but I only figured it'll make me more look like the atrocious girlfriend I am. I alternately ignored him, snapped at him... I could've said "Get lost"... well, in a couple of hours those words would be granted anyway.
It's always too late for regrets and apologies, and I made neither. I gave him no gift, not even a letter. Ha, let's see if he could remember me that way. When the moment came for him to leave did I only realize that it was the last time I'd see him for a long time. No more Matt... for a while. (leaving out "for a while" would sound like I'm already preparing his coffin). It was probably the first time I'd genuinely feel mixed emotions. When I was mad at him, I felt happy that he'll give me space at last. Dammit, he couldn't even give me a cool-off if I asked for it!... Angry, because... look up, I already mentioned it... Underneath it all I was sad and miserable because I'll be left alone once more (if you think I'll be craving for other people's company, dream on. This girl's designed for one person alone. Phonies, approach at your own risk). It will be hard to get back to my usual lone wolf habit... I have a loooong way to go, man.
Now that my fiance's --wipe that leer off your face-- gone for the meantime, it's time for me to get back to my other love. My craft. Writing. Blogging. Literature. Craziness. While our relationship was getting better, I was happy. While I was happy, my thinking was greatly hampered. I didn't mind. His presence justified it somehow. But now... well, what else am I supposed to do? Ask myself out on a date? Whatever.
The Chimaera's back in business!
realized by Hyacinth Poirot @ Saturday, March 31, 2007
3 Comments:
At 8:11 PM, April 02, 2007,
Anonymous said…
learn my taekwondo motto...
"To be good, to be brave, to be strong"
that should keep you alive
At 8:52 PM, April 02, 2007,
Anonymous said…
Aww, cheer up. You're not the only one with the mixed emotions.
Look at it this way, you at least had a happy moment. Moi? None. ^_^ (But, at least, my thinking continued to function, half-properly.)
Anyway, it's not like he'll never come back (see, I'm trying to positive for both our sakes). If he's managed to stick to you for a good two years and a) not have you kill him or b) give up on you, there's a good chance he'll never forget you, no matter what atrocities you do. Even if you WERE the Bitch Incarnate (which you aren't) it's doubtful he's gonna give up on you. But then again, you don't need convincing. :D You two are soulmates, through and through.
Besides, Matt was being Matt by helping in clearance. Don't kill him for that (though if I was in your position, I'd be pretty pissed, too, because I spent my entire day glued to my psuedoboyfriend). But then again, you're being you by being mood-swingy and extremely unstable. It's expected.
So anyway, good luck, and remember, real life is always a good inspiration for writing. ^_^ So when you feel like you're being suicidal, just write it down.
P.S.
This is totally unrelated, but I thought I'd write this anyway. I'm sorry for being a slightly heartless and insensitive bitch when you were off crying in your little corner by the stairs, because seriously, I didn't see you there. *_* So, so sorry. I was kinda worried when I saw you crying earlier [when you were with Matt and saying goodbye to Jubert] but I so didn't see you. Ugh, must kill myself again.
At 3:40 PM, May 01, 2007,
How About That! said…
Ooh. So you don't use boyfriend usually? O.o Is Philippines beautiful? Since when? O.o
Well, knowing the cold-blooded you, it never entered my mind that you'd even think of giving him a gift. Creepy thoughts, creepy thoughts...
I'm not leering. ^.^
You're back in business?! Cripes, I gotta call Matt pronto! I don't want you back in business!
P.S. Seriously, Patti, I planned to tell you everything would turn out fine, but I realized it's worn-out already. ^.^ Plus, that statement is dumb; everything doesn't turn out fine, ne? So... I dunno, just continue doing what you're good at - "Writing. Blogging. Literature. Craziness." Kill boredom before it kills you!
Mwahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Okay, don't mind me.
~How About That
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